There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How external is "for external use only"?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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