I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
