Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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