That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
