She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
