i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I party with great urgency now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
