Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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