that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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