Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
