I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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