im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
