Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize