Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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