dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
