i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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