My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize