so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
