Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
