We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
