Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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