you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
