my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
