my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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