dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
