he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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