oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize