man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
