At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
