I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
