Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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