girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
