the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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