If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
