marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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