We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
