I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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