every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
