..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
