Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
