Duck Duck Cougar?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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