Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
