I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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