is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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