Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
