Ketchup is God's man juice
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
