You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
