I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
