so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
