Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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