maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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