apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
