They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
