I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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