he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
