Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
