You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
