I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
