Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
