I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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