I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
