JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
