I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
