Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
