I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize