I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
