marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
