I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
