i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
