You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
