I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
