peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
