In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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