I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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