Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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