She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
