Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
