so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
