I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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