Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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